Just. Let. Go.

by Rebecca A. Watson on March 26, 2015

in women, worry, writing

she let go

SHE LET GO
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

Ernest Holmes

Photo Credit: Jessica Polar
Title Credit: Fight Club

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Two Years & No Booze

by Rebecca A. Watson on March 23, 2015

in habits, Just Be, life, magic, Recovery

Today marks two years where I haven’t had a drink. If you read my blog last year, you may remember I had a pretty epic post marking my one year without booze.

For a while, as I approached my two year anniversary, I was trying to think of how I could out-do last year – what would be bigger and better? But I got to thinking perhaps that mindset is, in part, what got me into this pickle in the first place.

Outdoing myself, weekend after weekend, birthday after birthday, New Year after New Year.

To be fair, I've had some pretty epic birthdays.

To be fair, I’ve had some pretty epic weekends.

The fact of the matter is that I can’t one-up last year because the first year without alcohol is its own special beast — complete with its own trials and triumphs.

The honest truth is, if I had another year of that much change, of that much newness, I’d probably be pretty frazzled. Can a girl have a little stability please? I’ve read that the first year without alcohol is all about learning to live life sans booze and the second year is all about learning to live with yourself. Or something like that.

I’m not sure about that but what I am sure of is who I am. I am also more sure of who I want around me. I’ve learned to set boundaries, albeit a bit clumsily but hey, practice makes better, right?

Interestingly I have also let go of a lot of fear I have and my trust in the Universe has nestled nicely into my heart. My spiritual life has gone into overdrive (I say this in a good way). I’m in near constant contact with my guidance, I’ve been visited by my grandmother and ancestors in my dreams, and I can add seeing spirits to my list of supernatural skills.

good witch

I am a good witch after all ;)

At one point I lamented my inability to be creative and psychic without the booze, but it just took a little getting used to. The amount of writing I produce lucid far surpasses my best days drinking. And it’s better too.

This is not to say that there haven’t been days where I’ve cried until I’ve drooled and had no real idea of why. It’s just that no knowing why has mattered less. And I’ve been able to pull myself out of this more readily, accept my fragility and learn to treat myself less like a machine and more like a human. A friend even.

So instead of working for hours on a blog post, I am traveling from Prague to Innsbruck right now. I’ll probably get a massage and eat a delicious dinner, because that’s how I celebrate these days.

There’s no need to try to out-do last year. There’s no need to do anything beyond just be. Life is good. And yes, in case you hadn’t guessed, I’ll be re-upping for year three. I can’t wait to see what’s in store. It’s gonna be a great 365 days. Cheers!

Photo Credit: Anna Fischer

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Pull In For A Quick Fix

by Rebecca A. Watson on March 19, 2015

in Creative Writing, habits, health, writing

She wanted something. She could almost taste it in her mouth. This wasn’t an easy itch to scratch — it required help. She pulled into the drive thru and perused the menu.

menu

Talk Shit About Best Friend sounded tasty, but it didn’t have the creaminess of Unprovoked Rage Toward Partner.

Hmm…what was she in the mood for? Her craving was pretty big. It had been awhile. She’s been so good. Let’s splurge, she thought. [click to continue…]

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How to Thrive During the First Month Without Alcohol — An Audio Class

March 16, 2015

During the past almost two years I have added another category to my blog and another dimension to my life. I stopped drinking and started talking about recovery. It’s been an awesome ride so far. I’ve done a lot sober: visited New Orleans, moved to another country, attended a German AA meeting, ran 10ks in several different countries […]

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Permission to Change My To-Dos

March 11, 2015

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I am suffering from a serious case of To-Do List Ambition, which has quickly translated to overwhelm. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, but this is the first time I’m being compassionate about it. So I’m giving myself permission to not blog this week. You’re probably […]

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What Happens When You Quit Drinking

March 5, 2015

When I finally quit smoking, I needed a LOT of help. I used a nicotine patch for the physical cravings, accountability partners and a great app. It helped me count days and told me all sorts of facts about what was happening inside my body the longer I avoided a cigarette. Things like: Less than […]

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Tomorrow’s a Sand Trap

March 2, 2015

The hourglass stared at her, a primordial thing pulsing with the life the railroad companies infused into it all those years ago. (“It’s alive!”) The sand glowed with a blackish-purple hue, and she sighed knowing that it was finite, this glass marked Tomorrow. Every grain of sand promised productivity in her mind, and she went […]

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Our Stories, Our Anchors

February 23, 2015

“Everybody wants to tell their story of origin, whether it’s a nation, a people, even a couple.” The words rang in my head as I lay in bed, trying to sleep. A group of friends and I had a pretty heavy conversation over brunch earlier, and I played it back now, in this quiet moment. […]

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Carpe Your Rich, Fulfilling & Joyful Day

February 19, 2015

This was sent to me by one of my friends. It touched me much more than I expected. I hope you too find some truth in it. Life is demanding and you have succeeded in meeting all those demands. You have persisted through every challenge and you can do it again. In fact, you’ve become […]

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Drive Away the Winter Blues — It’s Fasnacht Time!

February 17, 2015

My dear friend Amy is visiting from Colorado, so this will be pretty short. She used to live in Freiburg, so she’s back to celebrate her favorite German holiday, Fasnacht. It’s similar to Carnival in many other places. Pagan rituals, witches, fire, candy and music. So right up my alley. The entire thing is made […]

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