On a Whim

by Rebecca A. Watson on September 12, 2014

in travel

We rented a car yesterday, drove a few hours, ate pork chops, checked into an apartment and woke up to this.

ischgl

I’m proud to say that I actually got a little work done today. But those mountains are calling my name. I’m hitting a ski lift with my hiking boots and Camelbak tomorrow to walk a path marked “easy.” Because this is German hiking territory, so when they say it’s schwer, it’s gonna be frickin’ hard.

Here’s hoping all of you have some beauty and wide open spaces around you this weekend!

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MMP: Unpacking My Bags

by Rebecca A. Watson on September 8, 2014

in Minneapolis, Monday Morning Pages, Recovery

Today I woke up late, partially I think because I couldn’t sleep until 3 a.m. and partially I think because I’m still feeling a little out of sorts from my trip. Don’t get me wrong, every single thing that happened felt serendipitous, right and inspired. But that doesn’t mean it was easy or didn’t evoke some serious emotion.

baseball

I mean c’mon! Dollar dog night gets a girl all riled up.

In the past few years, my dreams have brought up men from my past. Of course I journaled about them, because (as evidenced by the fact that I’ve been divorced twice) my relationships with men have only recently become healthy. I’ve been working on that for years, and here are some of the realizations these dreams have brought me:

In 2012:

What do you think that was about? Well [city] definitely represents poor choices in my past and Rob [name changed] was definitely one of those. It seemed like part of you in the dream is stuck there but knows there’s something better out there for you: the boyfriend, the wanting to rent a car to get out of there.

I think you should read that TSN article about how to let go of the past because it seems like that’s what’s going on here. I keep thinking about old fucks and old times and I’m not really sure why. I guess thinking about them isn’t the worst, but I really feel like I was a really foolish girl back then.

I needed to go through that to understand what was good in my life and what I really wanted. I can’t believe the choices I made in the past. Well, we’re all one right, so hopefully you helped someone evolve as well. Yep I know some of those guys helped me evolve. Deep breaths. I’m proud of myself.

And in 2013 I was dreaming about guys from high school:

All those guys were just a distraction from my problems at home. Having someone(s) to focus on made it easier to forget my own feelings, and all the attention was my addiction at the time. I know I’ve moved through that now and no I don’t regret it. It helped me to be the human I am now. Without it I’d be someone different entirely.

In the dream Sante said he thought we could do it: sell the house and get rid of everything. Wouldn’t that be something? I think it’s symbolic of him saying: We can clear away this junk. Let it go. Benefit where possible and walk away.

Yes, so true. … Choose the easy way. For so long I thought I had to wade thru life dealing with baggage but surprise surprise, meditation and trust are having me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I guess I thought the end of the tunnel was death, but it’s actually sweet life where I can focus my energy on building a positive future instead of repairing a broken past. What a sweet prospect that is.

Reading through my morning pages from years past has always been a great exercise, but usually it takes me a little while to draw conclusions between the patterns of the past and how things are now. This time? Not so much.

Both of these entries were on the first pages I read. What normally takes an hour took 5 minutes. And that’s how all of this has happened in the past few weeks. Once I made my intentions known, well, the Universe pulled out all the stops.

the good witch

I’m a bit of an AA drop out, but one thing I took from the program is the concept of making amends. I have (as evidenced in the above writings) done some pretty foolish things and hurt people, among them men.

Over the past year and a half I’ve not been drinking I’ve been slowly apologizing to people for my part in events from my past. A few days before my trip happened, I felt called to make a few of those amends while I was in Minnesota.

I had plans to see a few people and chat. Most of these interactions weren’t something I was dreading. Yes, they might be a little uncomfortable but really, it’d be nice to catch up over coffee and hopefully we’d both walk away feeling good.

As I told my friends about this, I mentioned that there were two people I probably wouldn’t be able to meet up with, because it wouldn’t be easy, proximity-wise and safety-wise.

Well, the Universe called my bluff. The last day I was there, I ended up on the phone with one of those guys. I thought he lived in Alaska. We met later for coffee. As soon as I finished that emotional conversation, I connected to coffee-shop wifi.

I got a message from someone I thought I’d never see again (he also doesn’t live in MN anymore). He was in town visiting friends and was flying out that very night, just a little before I was. The only way I’d ever meet him was in a public place, and what could be more public and safe than an airport?

Our amends were short (I got there 20 minutes before he took off) but absolutely sweet. We’d both hurt each other. We’d both changed. And now, we were working on loving ourselves.

I’m not saying life is perfect, but as I put away my bags today after unpacking slowly, I realized how light it all felt. How light I was. I’d left tons of baggage in that airport, exactly where it belongs. They’re used to dealing with that typea thing.

And now here I am, standing at the end of some tunnel, staring at the field around me. It’s filled with my life as it is: Sante, sunshine, friends, indoor plumbing, Freiburg, walks by the river, this blog, sober penpals and countless other things. That bright future? I don’t need to build it. It has always been there.

Wondering what this Monday Morning Pages thing is all about? Read how it started. Or check out all the archives.

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Ten Quotes About Home

by Rebecca A. Watson on September 5, 2014

in Minneapolis, travel

In the past I’ve struggled with jet lag. In order to combat it this time, I’m planning on easing slowly back into my normal routine.

I have a TON of new insights to share after my trip and loads of good stories, but seriously folks, you don’t want me writing it now. Or maybe you do, but it’s all going into a journal where I can edit for later :)

In the meantime, I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes about home. Minnesota was my home for 28 years. Then California. And now Germany. There’s a lot loaded into that word home. Here are a few morsels I like:

“Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love.”
~ Billy Graham

“He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.”
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“It may be that the satisfaction I need depends on my going away, so that when I’ve gone and come back, I’ll find it at home.”
~ Rumi

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”
~ Maya Angelou

“You can go other places, all right – you can live on the other side of the world, but you can’t ever leave home”
~ Sue Monk Kidd

“It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss; volatile spirits prefer unhappiness.”
~ George Santayana

“Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.”
~ Gary Snyder

“All journeys eventually end in the same place, home.”
~ Chris Geiger

“Home. That wonderful place I was lucky enough to revisit, no matter how short a time, finally realizing it’s not relegated to just one single place. It’s wherever you make it.”
~Alyson Noel

“Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.”
~ Matsuo Bashō

Do you have a favorite quote about home? Or just a thought about the word? I wanna hear it in the comments.

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MMP: The Twisted Path to Forgiveness

September 1, 2014

As you know, I’m in my beautiful home state (pictures to come — I’m trying to stay offline as much as possible). This of course means I’m close to the folks that abused me. While I’m not planning on connecting with them, I am trying to see some others who know them. We have a […]

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Discovering Your Soul’s Purpose

August 28, 2014

I remember driving one of my friends home years ago after a particularly wild night of partying. Both of us were a little blurry eyed — we’d finished a greasy breakfast, doing our part to avoid the inevitable hangover brewing. “I just feel like I’m meant for so much more than this,” she sighed. “Like, […]

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MMP: Letting Go & Seeing Home for What It Is

August 25, 2014

The people that know me well know I’ve had some pretty intense dreams. From falling in love with a devil named Marty to lucidly dreaming I was a zombie, my sleeps are filled with adventure. Because of this, I’m a bit of dream analyst. I keep a notepad near my bed and record dreams, which I […]

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4 Ways to Cultivate Acceptance

August 21, 2014

So awhile back I started writing down what values are important to me. I came up with a list of like 50. I decided to go in alphabetical order, which led to to write about abundance first, a loaded topic for many of us. Next up on my giant list (you can see the whole […]

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MMP: Mountain Climbing

August 18, 2014

A  few weekends ago, I went bouldering with some friends. For those of you who are like me and have never heard of this, it’s basically rock climbing in a gym but at heights that allow you to fall onto mats without much worry. It was delightfully fun, even though I wasn’t particularly good at […]

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WC Sitzen, Bauhaus Installation

August 14, 2014

This will be a more visual post as I have hurt my thumb and am using voice recognition software to type my blog post. It’s new software and proving more difficult to use so I’d rather post pictures. So imagine my delight when I went to buy a toilet seat yesterday and found a virtual […]

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MMP: Moving or Standing Still, You’re Still You

August 11, 2014

Several years ago, Sante and I took a trip to Italy. We told everyone it was our honeymoon, but really he was interviewing for a job. A job he ended up not getting. You can probably imagine how bummed I was at first. I mean, after all, being an expat has been a dream of […]

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